A place in the world where the scum gets to drop ash in the caviar. Mental patients sit side by side with normal folk. The most used toilets in the country and the biggest kettle.
Welcome to the coffee shop.
Caffeine, contained in both coffee and tea is a diaretic. This means it increses your tendency to 'drop the kids off' or take a wizz.
This shouldn't be to much of a suprise considering how intelligent you all are when it comes to coffee.
When you feel tough you'll drink an espresso, when you feel cool it'll be a cappuccino, when your broke it'll be tap water, and when you fell akward it'll be a half-caff coffee with soya milk, which promptly gets binned after you taste it.
Incase you were wondering i work here, yes that is me asking if you want chocolate on your cappuccino, as you grumble -legibly- about the amount of questions you get asked, we know but it's not our fault you are so goddamn picky, we have to cover our own backs, there is nothing more dangerous than a middle aged woman who picks up the wrong coffee before 9am.
This trade although menial is very rewarding. People on occassion smile, yes they really do. Unbelieveable i know, it happened twice in one day last week and i nearly quit so as to keep the good memories.
Some people say that this job is easy, and by some accounts it could be valid, for managers in particular. What is not easy is getting out of bed at half past five in the morning for nine days straight, only to be greeted by a bunch of stalefaced bankers (connotations aside) and lawyers. We know you get paid more than us, but i for one would rather, spend my whole life working for a menial wage if i could keep smiling.
People also say that money doesn't change you but if these people have been like this all their lives than there must be an alter-dimension were a race of anti-social aggraphobics, wound up about nothing live.
The object of your stone-faced desire is a relief aswell. In short coffee is not good for you. Too much and your heart wont remeber what exactly it is meant to be doing. Also correlatory evidence has shown that coffee drinkers are alot more likely to smoke. Appropriate.
So, the next time you have fully abused your barista to the point of suicide, contemplate the evidence when you recieve a 'goodbye' rather than see-ya-later, we could just be being nice or playing an incomprehensionable voodoo, with the world as you know it.
